Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

It’s been well over a year since I last wrote on this subject. Meanwhile my old Radiation Oncologist dumped me and moved to California – Not before sending my new doctor pictures of the nice relaxing trip she had to Hawaii after dumping her old cases, like me, on the poor man!

That’s okay though because my new doctor is a very cool guy named Jerry Jaboin. Dr. Jaboin tells me that not many people study Trigeminals Schwannomas because people think they are boring. Well! To this I say:

“HA! FORGET IT! There ain’t nothin’ about me that’s boring! Not even my fuckin’ intercranial lesion!!! Who you callin’ boring!”

(By the way, great news, this tumor is pushing on my brain tissue so Dr. Jaboin says I can blame that inappropriate burst of profanity on the tumor! See Patt… Told ya. 🙂 🙂 🙂 )

So… seriously… With a few more thousands of dollars of MRIs under my belt here’s what I know:

Nothing.

Well okay…. something. I know that nothing has changed. Not even a little bit. The size of the tumor is identical to what it was 18 months ago. To be clear, that’s not bad. It’s good that it’s not growing and it might even mean that my stereotactic radiosurgery worked a little.

I also learned today that stereotactic radiosurgery actually can be done more than once. It just won’t do any good for me. <sigh>

And, I learned this:

There is stable compression of the left trigeminal ganglion, which is displaced laterally and inferiorly against petrous bone. 

To this I would say “Duh!” if I knew what those words meant 😉 To my credit I can say that I don’t actually think “inferiorly” is a word at all.

And… get this: my  “Intracranial flow-voids are patent.” At first I thought that said “patient” but I know for sure that there is no patience in my brain…. so… that’s not possible.

I was going to show you all my most recent MRI but the images won’t open on this PC. I think it’s intercranial flow-voids are impatient or impotent  or whatever and I need to reboot.

So… look…. the bottom line is that I have no new problems, an awesome new doctor, a new scapegoat for my bad language, and no reason to have another MRI for 12 – 18 months.  Honestly…. that is a good thing.

By the way, Dr. Peggy Mason, Dr. Jaboin think’s he’s met you before. I told him it’s unlikely because you are way too hip to hang out with these BORING schwannomas.

Love you all.

 


 

This just in…. I lied….. Here’s a few views of my little friend….

UntitledApril 2019 MRI

 

 

 

 

 

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It has now become painfully clear that President Obama illegally monitored The activities in Trump Tower. Recent revelations have vindicated President Trump’s contention that he had been “wiretapped”. 

Sources indicate that the use of the word “wiretapping” in quotation marks is essential. Classified surveillance video shows that, in a move far worse than traditional wiretapping, Mr. Obama himself actually hid under Mr. Trumps desk and sat for hours in the toilet stall directly adjacent to the one where President Trump has his daily bowel movements – which classified documents refer to as “producing the Trump shit”.

Further research indicates that Vladimir Putin was not in the stall next to either Mr. Trump or Mr. Obama. Neither were any members of The Trump family, or of campaign or transition team officials, ever seen in a comparable shithouse in any Russian government building. 

Whitehouse spokesman Sean Spicer,  in a news conference to which only the most reputable right wing media was invited, has confirmed that these revelations prove conclusively that the Trump administration had no contact with any Russian shit prior to or during the election process. These allegations may now be flushed away.

Other recently disapproved allegations include:

Jared Kushner does not have any holdings in any Trump business ventures. Neither did he receive $125,333 in consulting fees from Cambridge Analytica.

Mr. Trump has not backed away from the US position that Bashar al-Assad is a murderous dictator. He agrees that Mr. Assad have some problems with governance but, in a recent tweet, assured the American people that Mr. Assad is a “good guy who is simply saddled with an entire population of people who do some ‘bad, very, very bad’ things by protesting A noble dictatorship dedicated through the well-being and success of Syrian oligarchy”.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, Mr. Trump has definitively confirmed that he had no involvement whatsoever in the decision to increase the penalties for  for cow-killing in Uttar Pradash. 

In a statement to which even traditional media was invited Whitehouse spokesman Sean Spicer quoted Mr. Trump saying “I get my shit from Neo-Nazi websites in the Shining City on the American hill, not cow shit in Gujarat, so who gives a damn about dead cows?” Spicer confirmed that Mr. Trump believes that sacred cows deserve to be destroyed….

Just like sacred American values…

<Oh yeah… APRIL FOOLS!!!!!>